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    Top 10 reasons why are so many decent people single nowadays?


    Top 10 reasons why are so many decent people single nowadays?

    In my generation of millennials, there are so many factors that you need to take into consideration when dating. I’ll list them.
    1. When talking to someone, don’t show too much attention or interest. That means you’re desperate. No one wants to date a desperate person. So you need to find that fine balance of interested but not desperate. I’m a spammer, so I don’t write all my texts in one block. Instead I’ll send them out per sentence. I had one guy tell me that I had sent him too many messages. I was flabbergasted. If I did it in a paragraph format, it would have 1 neat paragraph. But since I did it per sentence, it was “too much” for him. So I immediately unmatched him. If you’re not cool with my texting style, then no need to take it further. Thanks for your time.
    2. First dates are a recipe for anxiety now. I had one guy tell me to plan the date. We had different schedules and couldn’t set a day. He kept badgering me that wasn’t willing to give him a chance and go on a date with him. I moved a few things around and set a date. I planned the time, location, and activity we would do. He tells me that won’t work, because he doesn’t want to go to a place he hasn’t gone before. He has anxiety to try a new place. Cool. So I told him, to plan it. He gave me a run around to set a location. I was INFURIATED. I don’t like indecisive behavior that lots of people have when making plans. That’s why I always make plans. After he failed to make a simple arrangement to meet at Starbucks for coffee, I told him I was no longer interested in entertaining his nonsense and bid him farewell.
    3. If you do make it to the first date, you have no idea how the person will react in person. I had a date a couple of weeks ago and it was so…forced. He sat there staring at me, waiting for me to initiate the conversation. So I did. Like an interviewer gives you a set of questions to ask, and the interviewee answers it. We went to see Toy Story 4 (insisting I go with him. So I did) and he was so stiff. There was so many funny moments in the movie. Not once did he laugh or crack a smile. Afterwards we went to an outdoor bar. He sat next to me sipping his drink, staring out into the distance and occasionally just looking at me without saying a word. I was so creeped out. I tried initiating conversation repeatedly. He just responded “I like looking at you.” There was no second date. I couldn’t leave fast enough. Some people are just naturally awkward. While others are too awkward. First dates can be rough.
    4. Everyone has a different motive. Some people want a regular monogamous relationship. Others are looking for a friends with benefit type of arrangement. Some want a side piece. Others want a sugar baby/daddy relationship. The trouble is that many people are not honest about their intentions. So often people get stuck in a “situation ship.” They have the sexual aspect of the relationship, but that is the only part that is defined. Everything else is blurry. You get stuck in a rut, without knowing where you two stand with each other.
    5. Cheating has become RAMPANT. People are so terrified to have a honest conversation with each other, that they will rather cheat. The very conversation you cannot have with your girlfriend but you are having with some nineteen year old girl you found on some trashy dating app is NOT THE SOLUTION. Talk to your girlfriend. Tell her that you either want to resolve the issue or you want to leave. Don’t be dishonest and go behind her back. HAVE SOME SENSE OF SELF RESPECT AND DIGNITY.
    6. Impossible standards.
      1. Girl: “I want a guy who is 6”3. Rich. Super attractive. GREAT in bed. Showers me with gifts and takes me on extravagant all expense paid for trips, which I can post on social media.”
      2. Guy: “She needs to have a smoking hot body. Huge tits and ass. She needs to be my personal porn star. She needs to keep her mouth shut, and just get on her knees as soon as I get home. While I brag about explicit details about our sex life to my boys.”
    This is not BUILD A BF/GF. You shouldn’t have a checklist of impossible qualities your partner should have. There are other qualities that should be prioritized. Do they respect you? Do they push you to be a better person? Do they genuinely love and care for you?
    7. Sex dictates the direction of the relationship. In some relationships, when sex is introduced early on, that’s all the relationship becomes about, physical gratification. Others that purposely avoid sex for months may have something to hide (ex. micro penis, erectile dysfunction, virgin.) You need to learn the appropriate time to introduce sex into the relationship and establish clear expectations regarding it. Are you entering a monogamous relationship? Are you just friends with benefits, free to have other partners? Sex can get messy, if there isn’t clear communication about expectations.
    8. Relationship expectations. Is this short term just for fun? Are we just going for drinks, having lots of sex and just enjoying the time together? Or are we trying to build a future together and seriously get to know each other? Many time open communication will not occur, or someone will lie, just to get what they want (ex. sex)
    9. Fight fair. There isn’t a single relationship that doesn’t have any disputes whatsoever. What is important is learning how to fight fair. You address the issue at hand, you don’t attack your partner’s character. During moments of anger and frustration it is easy to lose focus. Then it just becomes about letting our your frustrations any way you can, without resolving the problem. Learn how to have a hold on your emotions and fight in a fair way, that way neither parties feel insulted or belittled.
    10. Incompatibility. You can love and care for a person so much. But if they are incompatible with you, then it’s just not going to work. At one point or another, you have to let that person go, no matter how much it hurts you. It’s not easy, and many people will stay with a partner they know isn’t right for them, simply because they don't want to be alone.
    This is just a small list of obstacles a person can face when entering the dating scene. It’s hard and nearly impossible finding someone you gel well with. It’s so much easier to just stay out of the game. It may be lonely at times, but there a freedom to it, which is priceless.

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